Aw here we go, another attempt at committing to a blog, and I shan't be surprised to find it lying stagnant in the cesspool that is the Internet in 3 years time with my last entry describing something tragically embarrassing that was going on in my life at the time; I will then proceed to shudder, wish I hadn't been reminded about that part of my life, and delete the blog. Quite rightly so of course, there are far too many of these bloody things clogging up the search engines, filled with people whining about how lousy their lives are and living out a virtual fantasy by actually believing that they have a wide and committed audience hanging on to their every word. It's an honour to be joining the ranks; seriously, I may seem like I'm taking the piss, but I'm not, I just fully accept that I am just another example of how the current youth, as much as they deny it, privately have massive egos. Or alter egos. We all become different people in front of the laptop (or computer) screen when we're on our own. Don't deny it, you've all curiously looked up something online that you would never admit to, then deleted your Internet history (hint: don't delete your entire history, just the history from that day, or even pinpoint the site to delete. That's how my dad got caught out when he was cheating; too obvious).
So what has made me decide to start up a new blog? Many people begin them because they're 'bored' or genuinely have strong or interesting opinions they'd like to share with the online community, but I think most of us start because we need to rant. Keeping a diary is like, so last Century; if you want to complain about something, you want a group of people to complain to. It's easier to complain or admit things to complete strangers rather than your closest friends sometimes. Take me for example; I've come on here because I have no one to discuss the fact that my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. Apparently it was at the very beginning of the relationship, he didn't think we were actually going to last so it meant nothing, etc etc. I was totally fine with that actually, because when we started going out, I didn't like him that much; I merely saw us as a summer fling. The big blow came when he said he cheated twice. Twice.
Now, you may wonder why I don't have a problem with him cheating on me once, I mean, a cheater is a cheater right? It doesn't matter how many or few times it happened, it's still a lousy thing to do to someone right? These are closed questions of course; the majority of people will agree with these statements, and the ones that don't have either been cheaters or cheatees. The problem with the cheating on someone twice thing is the fact that they did it the first time, knew it was wrong, but then continued to have no regrets and simply do it again.No respect.
The incidents happened literally weeks apart and in the first month we went from seeing each other casually and seeing each other and acting like it wasn't casual; you know the first couple of weeks of a relationship when you both decide you'll only sleep with each other, hold hands, spoon, but don't have any real strong feelings? That period. So I shouldn't really be that bothered. In fact I wouldn't even go as far to say that I do feel bothered. It happened a long time ago, and neither of us were that arsed with the relationship at that point, but I do feel a sharp little nag in my brain that I know is the onset of being completely paranoid and jealous every time he goes out without me.
I do not want to be that girlfriend.
Those girlfriends are assholes.
I know I'm going to feel that way no matter what now; despite all the "I'm so sorry", "it hasn't happened since", "it meant nothing"(since when is that an acceptable excuse to use anyway?) and "I love you"'s, I am still going to be an angry and clingy person with him now. So what do I do? Break up with him to prevent myself from becoming an annoying mess? Stick with him because I love him and I was so happy before? It's a tough call, and one that shall be resolved tomorrow when we "meet up" to "discuss our options". I feel like I should dress formally for the occasion.
I'll probably be posting about the mess that shall result from said meeting soon, but until then, all you classy Internet sensations keep blogging, complaining and opinionating.
Baaaaaaai.
